Wind Island
The Observatory
As he did every time he rode the old red bike toward the Wind Island Observatory, Jay Lombardo wondered if it would make it up the hill. Sometimes it didn’t, but usually it did. That was about all he expected, so apart having to walk uphill when it died on him, it didn’t bother him enough to get another one. His cousin Rafe, who had spent long summers since he was a child training him, had shaken his head at Jay's use of the bike in the first place. The walk from the place where he stayed was just under an hour but still, it was an hour he didn’t intend to spend climbing a hill in the desert. It wasn't important to get another one. He didn't stay here much after all, not anymore.
It was the first time he’d been back to Wind Island since Dr. Kenley Dirac’s death: a ferocious death from the evidence left behind. The loss was staggering. He hadn’t wanted to return. He’d tried to find a way to work out the equations Kenley left behind by himself, which she believed he could do, but found he couldn’t. Like the red bike, his effort had been pretty good but not good enough.
Dr. Dirac had been with him and taught him since he was a little boy, and he needed to go back to the place where that had happened for more than just mathematical inspiration.
He made it to the parking lot near the dome when his cell phone began to buzz, and after briefly considering ignoring it, he pulled it out. It was his mother. She'd said nothing about his return to the island and wouldn't normally text him on the way.
family party tonight come home now
What the hell. It was a long way back. He would have to switch trains in the city. The station at home was under construction so he'd have to detour and he'd be miles away from home with no way back in the middle of the night, and he knew no one willing to give him a ride.
what party
combo birthday party for 2 in the family I put it on the calendar I expect you to be here tonight
Okay he hadn’t checked the calendar but for something like a birthday party, somebody would have said something, not just put it on the calendar. A combo party? They never combined birthday parties. Family was a big deal to his mother. Everybody got a separate party, and nobody in the family shared a birthday anyway. What day was it? The fifth. Jason, it was his half-brother Jason's birthday. He'd already sent him something. So Jason was one, who was the other?
Then he realized who it was and with a surprising mental and emotional tremor. Gabe. It was Gabe's birthday. Jason was an excuse to light candles for Gabe. No. No fucking way was he going to a birthday party for a dead man who ruled his mother's life and kept closing in on his own.
can't do it sing happy bday for me
He hung up. No birthday card from me, Gabe.
That being done, Jay set the whole stupid issue aside. He'd been dealing with the Gabe thing his whole life. There was nothing he could do about it but keep his distance and try to keep the weirdest shit away from Hailie. It was really hard to be forced to resolve Gabe problems right now though. Go away Gabe.
He took a deep breath and looked up at the dome. Maybe Gabe had taken some of the stress out of coming back since it wasn’t as bad as it had been when he started out this morning. There were only two cars parked in the lot. People walked up from town, but at this time of day there probably weren't many here right now.
He expected a wary greeting. They’d talk to him gently, offer him coffee, give him a guest chair, ask if he wanted to read someone’s research, something they thought would be easy to understand.
That was not what he wanted and not what he would accept. He was here to work. He was better than any of them and they knew it. If someone had taken his desk, he expected them to get up and move.
He turned to go in when a big man with a ponytail and a dirty shirt walked by, hesitated as if reluctant to say anything, then stopped and said carefully, “Hi Jay. Didn’t expect you back, good to see you.”
“Thanks,” he responded carefully. Chris wasn't too bad. He’d brought some things back to the rooms Jay rented when he left them out at the ferry. He didn’t want to hang around and talk to him now though. Jay glanced at the dome, crossed his arms, looked at the man with silent intensity and waited for him to leave.
Chris still paused as if he was concerned that Jay might hurl himself in despair over the stone wall and he might have to catch him. When Jay didn’t do anything like that, or talk to him, he peered around and then up above the trees around the parking lot.
“The birds making a lot of noise today,” Chris said, then shrugged and added, "Later." He trudged on off toward the road down the cliff to the town and the shore. It was a long walk and he was a slow walker but he’d always walked so he slogged along.
Jay turned to go, then, distracted, looked back in the same direction. Now that Chris mentioned it, the birds really were loud. The rock gulls that nested on the cliffs below were screaming the way they did when the Becky Hawks came and tore their fledglings apart but they wouldn’t arrive until spring.
Jay looked way up, straight up, and then saw what the rock gulls were shrieking about.
It wasn’t hawks.
It was two winged animals, or drones, or something else huge and moving. They didn’t look like machines, they looked alive. Long red bodies, yellow and black wings, speared tails, clawed feet, and they were enormous. They rode the wind from the west and swung with the crosswind from the north directly over the island.
They circled, and circled again.
Hovering above him, they dropped lower toward the ground and shared a brief wide-mouthed hiss. They were now undeniably focusing on him with undeniable intent like sailors studying a harbor for the best approach, or for the best attack.
Whatever they were, they’d stopped searching. They’d found what they were looking for: him. What they meant to do with him was, right now, so far, unknown.
He could run but not fast enough. He could hide, maybe, but the Dome was too far away. Maybe they would wait. Maybe they would attack the Dome.
You don't know what they intend, he told himself, catching his breath, raising all the training he'd ever been given as the shield it was intended to be. He could not defend himself, or return an attack, until he knew what he faced, and two large animals with wings and claws and teeth may or may not mean harm to him. If they’d wanted to kill him, they could have done it by now, unless they wanted to bring him home and eat him with company or something. A dragon birthday party. He didn’t know what to do.
Wait, wait until you see it.
And then, as if playing by the same rule book, instead of landing or attacking, they turned away. They wheeled, rising, their shadows sliding across the dome itself, then flew off north from whence they'd come, around the dusty shoulder of the dead volcano into the clouds and over the curve of the world.
It was quiet. Nobody came running out of the Dome shouting. Chris didn't come stomping back up the hill screaming. The dragons must have intended to interact with him somehow, some way, and something ruined their plan.
His mother’s second rule was do not wait for a rescue. Nobody was going to show up here and help him. He could not stay here and wait for a rescue that was never going to come.
Well, he thought, trying to breathe normally, I might make the birthday party after all.
-------------
What a poignant (reworked) opening chapter! I remember all the previous drafts (all of which I enjoyed in their own right!), but this one is definitely more tight and seems to strike just the right balance. The key elements from previous drafts are all there, only repacked in a more coherent whole and introducing the story just the way it's meant to be introduced - as an extension of the Sessions universe, but also existing independently from the stories that were told there and exciting for a whole different set of reasons.
ReplyDeleteWe get (re)introduced to Jay, our unwilling protagonist, and already we can see his struggles and inner turmoil: bumping heads with his mother - glam monster Camilla Lombardo, trying to come to terms with the loss of a mentor, and struggling with his own sense of inadequacy in a family where being "just good enough" sumply doesn't cut it. That's a lot for a grumpy teen to handle!
The new pics are simply breathtaking and complement the storyline perfectly. I love Jay's rickety red bike, that uphill ride, and I love that you kept Chris, although just as an agreeable if mildly annoying coworker at the observatory and not a pervy Camilla stan anymore (even though that one certainly had me cackling!) And then of course, there's the dragons. A surprise element of fantasy in an otherwise decidedly realistic universe.
I already know where all of this is going, but this new Chapter 1 makes me gain a whole new appreciation for the journey ahead. Keep at it!
- Esotheria
I don't know if I can even describe how much I appreciate this. It's been a long rough six months, some changes good, some weird, some awful.
DeleteWhen my old writing collaboration ended I decided to yank out most of the characters who were becoming tangents and distractions, leftovers from Sessions and years past. I removed half a dozen chapters completely. That decision alone drove me to rethink everything I'd written since it clarified who this boy is. I am still tweaking it as I slowly copy it to Wordpress (anticipating Google is going to take Blogger down - they're mashing it up as it is). You got it exactly right. The family expectations are breathtaking and intimidating and on top of that he doesn't really want to be any of those Lombardo people in particular. Just doesn't want to look weaker than any of them. Jay doesn't want to be Luke Skywalker and save the world, but yeah, family expectations are very high.
The terrain was hard to manage and took a lot of back and forth in SC4 to get roads to cooperate. I am so glad you like those shots on the road! Wasn't at all sure about them. And yeah, Chris works better as the annoying 'helper' sort of guy. Jay actually being a Lombardo would have intimidated the original Chris too much - he wouldn't have said a damned thing about Camilla.
Hope the rest of the changes work for you. I'll keep going. It's this kind of support that helps me do that. Thank you thank you.
What a great first chapter, I love it!
ReplyDeleteThose two first pictures of the island are both gorgeous! So beautifully crafted, from the cheerful blue clouded sky, which reflects in the water, to the sharp and rocky sides of the island itself. To start with those pictures follows the Martini Glass structure, that I prefer for story telling, really well, and gives a good look at the world itself before zooming in on the character. And what a beautiful character shot it is too! It portays him so well.
Your writing truly is great; your ability to tell the story with a few well thought out sentences is really inspiring. You're great at show don't tell, and your way of letting the pictures tell part of the story rather than the written words is really great too - no need to say the same thing twice!
Jay's relationship with Camilla really seems complicated, and you did a great job at portraing that through that phone call. It must be really rough to have a mother who wants you to walk in the footsteps of a hardened criminal. Sure, it seems like Gabe was nice to Camilla and important to her, but certainly not to other people.
It must be rough for Jay to be so aware when his mother lies - there's a sort of surface level conversation going on simultaneously as a deeper more raw unspoken one that I find fascinating and realistic. People do tend to prefer keeping conversations pleasant and avoiding difficult subjects that could lead to argument. The fact that Jay feels the need to keep the conversation that impersonal speaks alot about how distant he feels to his mother, who he has already pointed out he refers to as Camilla, with little sentiment.
Interesting that someone so young would have that much influence that people would stand up and let him have the desk they were using. Makes me wonder about the relationship he had with his mentor. She must have been really talented if Jay has failed to solve her equations, while simultaneously being known as someone who's better than everybody else at the observatory. Seems to come at a price, though, since people thinks he's demented. I like that!
Dragons!!! So cool! That is a beautiful picture of them soaring in that big blue sky. Interesting that Jay would be convinced that they are after him. I wonder what makes him so convinced of that. Really interesting, great ending to the first chapter: it makes me excited to see what comes next. / Ani
I am overwhelmed, thank you!! I don’t know what the Martini Glass structure is. An overview first?
DeleteThank you for all the compliments on the pictures. I would love to be able to produce most of the things I’ve written as a movie where you can capture emotion and action without words. I really admire what you can do – take a story line and turn it into a cinematic creation that offers the viewer what a script simply cannot accomplish.
You absolutely understand Jay and his complicated relationship with his mother. Camilla is trying to raise a boy who doesn’t have to depend on others, who can use his own power for both offense and defense – something she does, something the family does. He sees what she’s doing as an effort to force him into a role he doesn’t want. In reality he already fits the family standard, just in another way.
I see his mentor Kenley Dirac as the premier astrophysicist of her time, sort of an Albert Einstein mathematician. She took him under her wing because she saw his ability, and if they’d had more time together she believed he would surpass her. She cared a lot about him too, spent the kind of time with him when he was a child that a mother would spend. She was more maternal than his own mother.
He’s respected because people in the Observatory acknowledge who he has shown he is - Kenley Dirac’s protégé - and he wields that power deliberately, expecting them to give way to him, and they’re accustomed to doing it. He’s arrogant, smart, and intimidating, and that’s his mother in him whether he likes it or not.
Jay wasn’t so much convinced that the dragons were after him than worried they might be because they were circling him, not the water, not the cliffs, but him. He was frightened. I saw it as the equivalent of being circled by lions that slowly tighten the circle. At first you think, maybe they are just wandering around, then as it becomes clear that you’re the target, deny it as long as possible. Jay was raised to see and manage threats.
I cannot even tell you how much it means to me that you read and enjoy these things. I really appreciate it. Thank you!!
The Martini Glass Structure is something I learned about at Uni, in a writing class that focused on journalism. But I've found it applies really well to creative writing too.
DeleteThe idea is that you see a martini glass in front of you, and it is the structure of the article/chapter etc. that you're working on.
The widest part of the glass, at the rim, is where it all starts: at a zoomed out, general statement or description that instantly lets the reader know what the setting is. As for example, your first picture in this chapter, or the very first sentence of Brandon Sanderson's novel 'The Final Empire': "Ash fell from the sky."
As the glass narrows down to the stem, the author narrows the subject down to be more concrete. The stem itself traditionally consists of the article's arguments, but I like to think of it as the meat of the story, focused on the characters.
Lastly, there's the foot of the glass, where we come to a conclusion or an open end with a question. The perspective widens again to include the whole story, rather than only the character. In your story, the dragons' appearance had that effect - something happened outside of the character that affects more than him, and there's a question of what they will do, why they have come, and what will happen next.
Thank you for letting me know more about the characters and the things I was wondering about. You've really put in a lot of work on this, it shows. Really interesting connections between the characters.
Ah I see, that makes sense! I bet being circled like that by dragons must be beyond terrifying.
It's my pleasure! You've really created something wonderful here, so thank you for sharing it. / Ani
Thank you. The Martini Glass is a wonderful way to visualize writing structure. And I LOVE that first sentence. I remember reading a book that started out 'On the third day the last camel died' and was so impressed and intrigued.
DeleteThank you again. Your comments mean a lot and are very helpful!